I've been struggling lately and wondering why anything isn't working anymore. I've been left with only one question, what happened to my faith? Little by little, day by day I've noticed it slipping away, like a bird in slow flight, and that makes me want to cry. Once so vibrant and strong. It could hold up a wall of a world that fell apart around me but now I feel alone, yet I know I'm not. It's like awakening again. The night before the dawn. Little things are coming to me and shedding light but the struggle inside continues. Even those whom others come to for help with the very same things as this have their moments of lacking and doubt, yet they go on. I am asking myself what if someone else comes to me in need and find me sitting on my bottom doing nothing even for myself. I know I must stand. The silence has been broken and I know to heed that call. It's a cry, like that of a raven, which cannot be ignored. It goes beyond self, beyond the hurts and doubts in my head. It goes beyond the trials and storms of life. I must move, but I sit yet another moment and contemplate that movement before I do. Hesitation only worsens the things that are trying to turn to good. So, in this I must make this void I've been allowing myself to keep fill with something new and heal. Perhaps I'm afraid of the healing, the kind that comes from the inside. Perhaps I fear that if it is healed and my faith restored, I'll take another blow. But so help me, with the God above me and the Goddess below, I will stand. I will once again realize and protect all that is sacred like a child reborn and then coming into adulthood. It is the child who fears and likes the masks. I must take them off, this masquerade of my insecurity, and be who I'm intended to be without fear, for this is my only enemy. As I realize again, "And it harm none" means not harming yourself either. And allowing this void to continue is harming myself.
I don't have to stand up with a smile, though immediately I will because renewal does this naturally. I met another kindred sould today and I see what's in this dreary fog through the eyes of another akin to me. Last night I paryed for light and received it. Now I accept it with honor and graditude. In the end all things work out as they should be.
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